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What Up HGTV – Send Vanilla Ice Over

If you checked out my last post, you know that my family recently moved and was violently sucked into a wild array of cardboard boxes.  While my car is still not parked in the garage, things are improving.

After a week of sleeping on my pillow SHAM, I actually found our pillows.  We also had celebratory rice for dinner last week after I stalked down boxes until I found our rice cooker.  I found my flip flops.  And on a bigger note, I almost danced home from a walk last week after seeing that my neighbor had finally taken down his true to life size version of Santa which I had become convinced was going to be a permanent fixture on his front porch.

My husband and I were sitting on the couch last week watching Mr. Vanilla Ice himself redo quite the party pad somewhere deep in Florida on HGTV (check out the Vanilla Ice Project), which has definitely become our favorite channel.  Did you know that Mr. Ice has been renovating houses for fifteen years now?  In truth, I saw him doing a little jet skiing, a lot of resting, and not a ton of working, but he did seem to have a crew that managed to get that job done.  I believe I even saw a contractor named “Mr. Handsome.”

So that leads me to my house and a few unique features that I want gone, and I’m pretty sure that Vanilla Ice could help me.  Let me give you a little tour.  On our first look at our snazzy new house, the words, “I can’t stand that fireplace” were definitely thrown out to my realtor, who assured me that it could be refinished for not an astronomical sum of money.  However, I must not have been looking carefully enough to realize that our fireplace has a special electrical feature with this unique mood light, just in case the fire is not enough.  I would kindly ask Vanilla to not only redo our fireplace, but to cover that electrical outlet, so I can pretend that I never actually witnessed this.  And yes, my husband put that snazzy glass piece there just to accent the glow.

I saw what Vanilla did to that backyard in Florida.  There were tiki torches, an awesome pool and some pretty cool waterfall work.  All he would have to do in my new backyard is bring Mr. Handsome, a jackhammer, and some sod.  While my husband is a HUGE Oakland A’s fan and truly bleeds green and gold from his handsome little veins, I do not want to bleed green and gold all over our back patio, which I hope to replace with a color free wooden deck instead of this lovely patio.

And look at this backyard oasis that is basically our own little canvas for whatever kind of backyard that we want to have!  I would love to see where Vanilla would put the tiki torches, citronella please, for those backyard BBQ’s we plan on having post the rolling of the sod…did you see the lemon tree in the corner?  If anyone knows what to do with 200 lemons besides make lemon bars every day for the next month, please let me know…

And last but not least, the place where I would like Vanilla to get started first, my special kitchen counter.  In true groovy sixties style, you can stand INSIDE your kitchen counter to serve your guests.  Children, more pancakes?  Can I refresh your cocktail?  Anyone up for pigs in a blanket?  This counter has a very narrow aisle for the ULTIMATE hostess as she serves her guests.  So far, I haven’t spent a lot of time back there, but you never know, it could happen.  I’m hoping Vanilla comes over and rescues me first.  So far, I’m storing kibble back there.

HGTV, send me Vanilla!  I see granite in my future.  Don’t let me down!

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